Maikel Franco Obituary

[California Creme Puffs]

With Maikel Franco's Phillies career coming to an end this week, I thought it would be nice if we could all say a few words about the man. I knew that this would be hard for me, so I wrote some stuff down.

An ode to Franco:

You always wore your dreadlocks
.................. Just like Manny Ramirez or Vladimir Guerrero
But instead of playing like them, you sucked cocks
.................. I have no clue how you finished with 0 career golden sombreros

You made some decent plays in the field
.................. But it seemed like every other fucking plate appearance ended in a "K"
I wish they had included you in some 2015 offseason deal
.................. You epitomize the phrase "stupid and gay"

You would hit a 450 foot home run every once in a while
.................. That kept the retarded fans (many on this board) on your side
You would then flail at 50 straight sliders in the dirt and miss by a mile
.................. But the retarded fans continued to talk about your potential and upside

I hope the day never comes, where I see you in a Phillies uniform again
.................. You are the best exemplar of this horrible Phillies decade
If you ever do come back, I hope I have life insurance by then
.................. Because I will blow my brains all over my kids with a 12 guage

 

[Mofo]

That’s dedication right there.

 

[California Creme Puffs]

That’s dedication right there.

Exceptional shit deserves exceptional commemoration.

 

[Mofo]

Exceptional shit deserves exceptional commemoration.

Could be worse. Could be a Met.

 

[Screamin Eagle]

Just shows how inept the player evaluation system is within the organization.