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elocomotive
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Greetings Winnipeg/Manitoba Jets/Moose!
Welcome to a hockey division rich in tradition in some of the best hockey towns* in America. You join four proud franchises none of whom have existed even as long as the TGIFriday's restaurant chain and a couple of whom have the same number of Stanley Cups as a TGIFriday's.
We wanted to send you this primer on the Southeast Division to welcome you. We hope you enjoy your time with us as you will more than likely be heading to the Western Conference in 2012 (psst, we hear they are VERY good). A few things you need to know in your brief stopover with us:
(1) The Washington Capitals win the division. It's an agreed upon fact among all the teams. It may seem unfair, but in exchange the team will totally lay down for you should you advance to the playoffs and/or give a potential next round opponent false confidence by blowing a 3-1 or 2-0 lead.
(2) Don't be cocky! We keep things real humble in the Southeast Division. The fans of the Northeast and Atlantic teams constantly poke fun at how weak we are and we try to downplay the fact that we've won more Cups than those divisions combined in the last six years. If you need advice on humility, contact the Florida Panthers.
(3) Come up with an awesome slogan that totally understates your team's position and fanbase. For example, the Lightning were a middle of the pack team coming into this year and went with "All In." And Washington sold out their arena for a year (a WHOLE YEAR!) and declared themselves to be "Building America's Hockey Capital." It's a difficult line to walk regarding (2), but follow this motto - false bravado own fans, false humility away fans. Or FBOFFHAF. Easy to remember, right?
(4) Don't piss off Jeff Skinner. Sure, he seems like this Justin Bieberesque type hockey star, but he has a short fuse and he is packing. Follow his rider to the detail - make sure the strawberries were picked THAT DAY and the slippers he wears in the locker room must be Dearfoams! We are all terrified of him.
(5) We win the Richard! That prick Corey Perry took away a 4-year run. If the division is struggling late in the year in this category, we fully expect you to move Dusting Bufyglien to forward and feed him pucks.
(6) Your franchise recently unloaded an enigmatic, lacksadaisical Russian scorer from his lineup. If you'd like to renew that dynamic, we hear Alex Semin is on the table.
That's about it. Make sure to sign up for a frequent flyer miles program and we'll see you in the fall!
Sincerely - The Southeast Division
Welcome to a hockey division rich in tradition in some of the best hockey towns* in America. You join four proud franchises none of whom have existed even as long as the TGIFriday's restaurant chain and a couple of whom have the same number of Stanley Cups as a TGIFriday's.
We wanted to send you this primer on the Southeast Division to welcome you. We hope you enjoy your time with us as you will more than likely be heading to the Western Conference in 2012 (psst, we hear they are VERY good). A few things you need to know in your brief stopover with us:
(1) The Washington Capitals win the division. It's an agreed upon fact among all the teams. It may seem unfair, but in exchange the team will totally lay down for you should you advance to the playoffs and/or give a potential next round opponent false confidence by blowing a 3-1 or 2-0 lead.
(2) Don't be cocky! We keep things real humble in the Southeast Division. The fans of the Northeast and Atlantic teams constantly poke fun at how weak we are and we try to downplay the fact that we've won more Cups than those divisions combined in the last six years. If you need advice on humility, contact the Florida Panthers.
(3) Come up with an awesome slogan that totally understates your team's position and fanbase. For example, the Lightning were a middle of the pack team coming into this year and went with "All In." And Washington sold out their arena for a year (a WHOLE YEAR!) and declared themselves to be "Building America's Hockey Capital." It's a difficult line to walk regarding (2), but follow this motto - false bravado own fans, false humility away fans. Or FBOFFHAF. Easy to remember, right?
(4) Don't piss off Jeff Skinner. Sure, he seems like this Justin Bieberesque type hockey star, but he has a short fuse and he is packing. Follow his rider to the detail - make sure the strawberries were picked THAT DAY and the slippers he wears in the locker room must be Dearfoams! We are all terrified of him.
(5) We win the Richard! That prick Corey Perry took away a 4-year run. If the division is struggling late in the year in this category, we fully expect you to move Dusting Bufyglien to forward and feed him pucks.
(6) Your franchise recently unloaded an enigmatic, lacksadaisical Russian scorer from his lineup. If you'd like to renew that dynamic, we hear Alex Semin is on the table.
That's about it. Make sure to sign up for a frequent flyer miles program and we'll see you in the fall!
Sincerely - The Southeast Division
