Joel Ward - if you dont stop it youll go blind

[mattola]

Capitals? Joel Ward discusses the difficulties of onanism after sports hernia surgery | Puck Daddy - Yahoo! Sports Canada

Shortly after the Capitals' postseason ended, the playoff hero underwent surgery to correct a sports hernia. And then he made the mistake of attempting to "relieve some stress" while recuperating on bed rest, a story he relays in detail during the same interview:

"I was being a single male laying in bed like that, I figured I'd try to relieve myself a little bit. Well, sure enough I got a nerve that kinda connect from my seeds us to my scarring that slowly prevents me from relieving myself."

"... It was like a dog-choker, just like a zap -- zoop."

"... So of course I panicked and called the doc. He's like, 'You just had surgery, come on.'

"

 

[filosofy29]

So it was Joel Ward who hacked Logan Couture's twitter account?

 

[elocomotive]

And to think I thought we'd seen the last of semin causing problems on the team.

 

[4thstreet]

Obviously he's grossly underpaid.

makes over 1.5 mil a season,and has to "relieve" himself.I'm sure an intern would have helped him for a Benjamin.

 

[dash]

I really hope Joel Ward uses Sher-Wood hockey sticks...

 

[mattola]

strong wrist shot as well I would think

 

[Vadered]

These are the stories that make me wish I were a professional comedian. The jokes just write themselves.

 

[4thstreet]

These are the stories that make me wish I were a professional comedian. The jokes just write themselves.

exactly

patient-Hey doc,I need to relieve myself

Doc-not here sir,you'll need to go to the Joel Ward

 

[Comeds]

I wonder if its true or is he just jerking our chains.

 

[Comeds]

This story started well but didn't really build to a good climax.

 

[flyersfan4706]

I wonder if its true or is he just jerking our chains.

You think he'd pull a fast one like that?

 

[wings-pens2166]

trying to think of a good pun, but it seems I'm shooting blanks

 

[Bizzle McDizzle]

Cum on guys, they guy's hurting, stop beating him up and down about it.

 

[awaz]

sounds like another broken stick at a crucial time

 

[mattola]

Id choke a chicken to see the look on the interviewers face after Ward told him that

 

[jstewismybastardson]

"zap" ...

"zoop"

but wheres the "fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap"

 

[KennyBanyeah]

Sounds like Ward needs a whack of painkillers.

 

[elocomotive]

Id choke a chicken to see the look on the interviewers face after Ward told him that

The whole thing was pretty candid. You can hear the interview here where Ward talks about some issues including it and the FBI contacting him regarding racist threats after the Boston series.

The article tells you where to jump to in the audio link.

 

[mattola]

he obviously didnt win a contest

 

[Eddie_Shack]

trying to think of a good pun, but it seems I'm shooting blanks

Aye, that's the rub...