ZigTech Crosby Commercial Play-by-Play

[elocomotive]

Imagine in Bill Clemente's voice...

"Crosby jumps on elevator and jumps across several bar stools in his own defensive zone. He knocks over two football monsters in the neutral zone and takes the blue line! He dodges several flying pucks and AVOIDS A HUGE SPIDER. A STICK MATERIALIZES OUT OF THIN AIR!!! He shoots A MASSIVE SLAPSHOT AND ...it's... a slow, low moving puck... and it turns into a soda can? ... and now a shoe?? What is going on here, Jim."

"I don't know, Bill. These new rules post-lockout are a little ridiculous."

 

[Forty_Sixand2]

yes you get rep points for this, ha ha

 

[Eddie_Shack]

This could be an interesting thread. Let's do Doc:

"Crosby swaggers over to the elevator, and shelaleh's (yes I really heard that the other day) over several bar stools in his own zone. He knocks over two football monsters in the defensive zone, both Boston College products, and crosses through the circle. Sid The Kid dodges several flying pucks, a stick MATERIALIZES OUT OF THIN AIR! AND THERE WAS A SPIDER! OH AND A DRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEE!!!!! And it's waffleboarded away....

 

[elocomotive]

"Crosby swaggers over to the elevator, and shelaleh's (yes I really heard that the other day) over several bar stools in his own zone. He knocks over two football monsters in the defensive zone, both Boston College products, and crosses through the circle. Sid The Kid dodges several flying pucks, a stick MATERIALIZES OUT OF THIN AIR! AND THERE WAS A SPIDER! OH AND A DRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVEEE!!!!! And it's waffleboarded away....

Nice Clementization.

 

[Eddie_Shack]

Isn't that an Emrickization?

 

[elocomotive]

Isn't that an Emrickization?

Hahaha. Yeah, you might be right. Been too long since I heard Bill Clement calling hockey. I like Clement's tone so much more than Emrick. At least I think I do, been a long time...

 

[Darkstone42]

I guess I'll do Steiggy, then.

"Crosby to the elevator... (insert unecessary drivel about some past experience in Steiggy's life, a few mentions of how brilliant Crosby is at various activities, like mowing the lawn, trimming the hedges, painting landscapes, etc.) Oh, and he shoots. He's something special, isn't he Bob, the way he does everything absolutely perfectly."

 

[dare2be]

Is this a troll thread???

Don't mind me, I'm grumpy after that deflating loss...

 

[Forty_Sixand2]

Someone needs to do that crazy Sabres announcer....

 

[elocomotive]

Is this a troll thread???

Don't mind me, I'm grumpy after that deflating loss...

Hell no! Not making fun of Crosby at all, just whoever the marketing dude was that was on a massive acid trip when they thought up that commercial.

It's really good for the NHL to have a player with a major shoe contract. Now we just need them to have an OV shoe in red-white and a Crosby shoe in black-gold like the old days when you had the Bird (green-white) and the Magic (purple-yellow) Converse shoes. I might be dating myself...

(Note - After I typed it, I realized that was a bad closing line, feel free to run Wild with it.)

 

[Eddie_Shack]

Mickey Redmond: "Alright, it looks like they called a penalty on Crosby here somewhere... hooking or holding or something. Oh boy, let's watch the tape here, I've got a bad feeling about this... hey, I don't see it. Show the replay again boys, that can't be it... is that it? That's the hook? Jeezo petes, you've got Crosby and two football monsters fighting for a puck here, and they're going to call a penalty on that? That's a hockey play! You know in the old days that wasn't a penalty, you'd just get your stick up in someone's teeth and they'd leave you alone... that's the call? That's just a chintzy call, you can't call stuff like that... you see guys getting hit in the head with elbows and they don't call that stuff, and then guys are going to the box for this garbage? I just don't get it."

Ken: "Alright Mick, calm down..."

 

[Darkstone42]

Is this a troll thread???

Don't mind me, I'm grumpy after that deflating loss...

I'm trolling. =) I've been in meetings all day in which I couldn't make snide comments, so I have to get my outlet somewhere, right?

 

[Darkstone42]

On an aside, that commercial is one of the goofiest, most pointless things I have ever seen. Come on, Sid, where are your standards of creative expression?

 

[elocomotive]

On an aside, that commercial is one of the goofiest, most pointless things I have ever seen. Come on, Sid, where are your standards of creative expression?

The guy is getting millions of dollars and for this commercial he literally had to do one shot of him holding a shoe. I wouldn't care if they made me a half-leprechaun, half-horse cartoon for that kind of coin.

 

[Darkstone42]

The guy is getting millions of dollars and for this commercial he literally had to do one shot of him holding a shoe. I wouldn't care if they made me a half-leprechaun, half-horse cartoon for that kind of coin.

I would, especially if I already had a ridiculous amount of money. If my face is going to be seen by millions of people on an advertisement, that sucker better be good.

But then again, I'm a purist about everything...

 

[Forty_Sixand2]

I would, especially if I already had a ridiculous amount of money. If my face is going to be seen by millions of people on an advertisement, that sucker better be good.

But then again, I'm a purist about everything...

To be fair, he only has to beat out chicky chicky Maxime Talbot....

 

[Darkstone42]

To be fair, he only has to beat out chicky chicky Maxime Talbot....

Haha, but that's no easy task!