Horror Movies

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

I loved Catalina!

I don't know why... but my brain went straight to this:

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Damn I've been slacking on my review game the last few months... Been a busy summer! Things are starting to slow down a bit so hopefully I'll be able to contribute more.

Couple of movies I thought I'd shit on real quick... Watched a few sci-fi found-footage films recently that both sucked somethin fierce. Phoenix Forgotten and The Phoenix Tapes '97. Both movies were about the mass UFO sighting in 1997 down in Phoenix, Arizona. Not even worth reviewing them, but all you need to know was they sucked. Both had a few moments of decent cgi/fx, but overall they were a hot mess.

 

[jakedog56]

I don't know why... but my brain went straight to this:

This is much better! I know Chef will like it, just don't order The Crabshack chowder after watching!

 

[jakedog56]

Watched Knock Knock, which is written and directed by Eli Roth, and stars Keanu Reeves. At least I watched most of it, while I periodically skipped forward due to the ridiculous crappiness of it all.

Keanu is an annoying dad whose family goes away for the weekend, leaving him to work at his expensive house in the hills. During a rainstorm there is a knock on the door and two hot young babes plead their way in claiming they are lost. After 20 minutes of flirting and lame conversation, they attack Keanu (in a good way). However, the infidelity takes a bad turn as the two hotties turn into Fatal Attraction psychos.

It is basically every pørn movie set up ever followed by crazy chicks who behave badly and can't act. On top of that, Reeves is at his wooden worst, which works for John Wick but not here.

Despite good production values, nothing else works here. Acting is bad. Dialogue bad. Story goes nowhere. Roth should be ashamed to put this dreck on the screen.

I'll go 3 out of 10 for two good looking babes who aren't afraid to show off their ass(ets). Avoid.

 

[jakedog56]

Also watched Bite, a relatively low budget horror flick about a chick who has her bachelorette party down south in the tropics, and gets bit by something while swimming in pond.

She returns home with some doubts about going through with the wedding due to the bitchy mother in law. But that turns into the least of her problems as she starts devolving into an insect/reptile creature.

Slime, webs, and caviar abound as she slowly goes full on monster and turns her apartment into a death nest. A pretty cool little flick, but I couldn't quite understand why she just didn't go see a doctor way early on!

Drive In Academy Award nominations for Elma Begavic as Casey who turns into a pus filled, twitchy, acid spewing, thhroat slashing, reptilian bride to be, Annette Wozniak as her slutty friend Jill who says "It's really not that bad. People always get sick after vacations.", Lawene Denkers as the mother in law for just being a horrible bitch, and Jordan Gray as the fiance who has no problem dicking his fiance's friend without any protection just after pissing blood (I mean, why should that stop your fun?)!

This one starts slow. In fact it was pretty damn boring, but the second half was pretty damn cool. A good showing considering the budget. I'll go 6.5 overall.

 

[Chef99]

This is much better! I know Chef will like it, just don't order The Crabshack chowder after watching!

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Watched Knock Knock, which is written and directed by Eli Roth, and stars Keanu Reeves. At least I watched most of it, while I periodically skipped forward due to the ridiculous crappiness of it all.

Keanu is an annoying dad whose family goes away for the weekend, leaving him to work at his expensive house in the hills. During a rainstorm there is a knock on the door and two hot young babes plead their way in claiming they are lost. After 20 minutes of flirting and lame conversation, they attack Keanu (in a good way). However, the infidelity takes a bad turn as the two hotties turn into Fatal Attraction psychos.

It is basically every pørn movie set up ever followed by crazy chicks who behave badly and can't act. On top of that, Reeves is at his wooden worst, which works for John Wick but not here.

Despite good production values, nothing else works here. Acting is bad. Dialogue bad. Story goes nowhere. Roth should be ashamed to put this dreck on the screen.

I'll go 3 out of 10 for two good looking babes who aren't afraid to show off their ass(ets). Avoid.

Couldn't agree more with this review... That movie was woefully bad. I wanted to review it, but I've been such a big fan of Roth's for so long that I decided not to. That was a very forgettable movie all around. The only thing I felt remotely worked for the movie was that Keanu's character got what he deserved. I hated how Roth dragged out the whole "loyal husband" shtick for so long because you knew what was going to happen looooooong before he finally banged them.

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Gents... The movie has FINALLY landed. Been waiting for The Gracefield Incident to finally land and here she be... Perfect quality and streamable!

Spoiler

The Gracefield Incident

Here's the trailer if you want to rehash your interest:


Don't come after me with torches & pitchforks if it ends up sucking! I'm going to watch it here shortly with the wifey

 

[FaCe-LeE-uS]

Also watched Bite, a relatively low budget horror flick about a chick who has her bachelorette party down south in the tropics, and gets bit by something while swimming in pond.

She returns home with some doubts about going through with the wedding due to the bitchy mother in law. But that turns into the least of her problems as she starts devolving into an insect/reptile creature.

Slime, webs, and caviar abound as she slowly goes full on monster and turns her apartment into a death nest. A pretty cool little flick, but I couldn't quite understand why she just didn't go see a doctor way early on!

Drive In Academy Award nominations for Elma Begavic as Casey who turns into a pus filled, twitchy, acid spewing, thhroat slashing, reptilian bride to be, Annette Wozniak as her slutty friend Jill who says "It's really not that bad. People always get sick after vacations.", Lawene Denkers as the mother in law for just being a horrible bitch, and Jordan Gray as the fiance who has no problem dicking his fiance's friend without any protection just after pissing blood (I mean, why should that stop your fun?)!

This one starts slow. In fact it was pretty damn boring, but the second half was pretty damn cool. A good showing considering the budget. I'll go 6.5 overall.

Came across this one down a youtube rabbit-hole... Couldn't make up my mind about it. Thanks for the review! I'll be adding this to my list of things to watch!

 

[Win TWINS!!!]

Watched Knock Knock, which is written and directed by Eli Roth, and stars Keanu Reeves. At least I watched most of it, while I periodically skipped forward due to the ridiculous crappiness of it all.

Keanu is an annoying dad whose family goes away for the weekend, leaving him to work at his expensive house in the hills. During a rainstorm there is a knock on the door and two hot young babes plead their way in claiming they are lost. After 20 minutes of flirting and lame conversation, they attack Keanu (in a good way). However, the infidelity takes a bad turn as the two hotties turn into Fatal Attraction psychos.

It is basically every pørn movie set up ever followed by crazy chicks who behave badly and can't act. On top of that, Reeves is at his wooden worst, which works for John Wick but not here.

Despite good production values, nothing else works here. Acting is bad. Dialogue bad. Story goes nowhere. Roth should be ashamed to put this dreck on the screen.

I'll go 3 out of 10 for two good looking babes who aren't afraid to show off their ass(ets). Avoid.

Couldn't agree more with this review... That movie was woefully bad. I wanted to review it, but I've been such a big fan of Roth's for so long that I decided not to. That was a very forgettable movie all around. The only thing I felt remotely worked for the movie was that Keanu's character got what he deserved. I hated how Roth dragged out the whole "loyal husband" shtick for so long because you knew what was going to happen looooooong before he finally banged them.

Watched it a month ago. At least the chicks were hot.

Reminds me. My wife and kids are taking their annual trip to see her dad next week.

 

[Win TWINS!!!]

I know I know. .. not a horror flick, but it's got the blonde from Knock Knock

 

[Chef99]

Watched Knock Knock, which is written and directed by Eli Roth, and stars Keanu Reeves. At least I watched most of it, while I periodically skipped forward due to the ridiculous crappiness of it all.

Keanu is an annoying dad whose family goes away for the weekend, leaving him to work at his expensive house in the hills. During a rainstorm there is a knock on the door and two hot young babes plead their way in claiming they are lost. After 20 minutes of flirting and lame conversation, they attack Keanu (in a good way). However, the infidelity takes a bad turn as the two hotties turn into Fatal Attraction psychos.

It is basically every pørn movie set up ever followed by crazy chicks who behave badly and can't act. On top of that, Reeves is at his wooden worst, which works for John Wick but not here.

Despite good production values, nothing else works here. Acting is bad. Dialogue bad. Story goes nowhere. Roth should be ashamed to put this dreck on the screen.

I'll go 3 out of 10 for two good looking babes who aren't afraid to show off their ass(ets). Avoid.

I can't STAND Keanu Reeves (having some Excellent Adventures and being the Devil's Advocate are the exceptions; loved those movies). I've heard great things about John Wick, but can't bring myself to watch simply because it is Keanu. I'm also an Eli Roth fan, and this is disappointing to hear.

However...I may have to force myself to watch this one. Just because.

 

[Chef99]

Also watched Bite, a relatively low budget horror flick about a chick who has her bachelorette party down south in the tropics, and gets bit by something while swimming in pond.

She returns home with some doubts about going through with the wedding due to the bitchy mother in law. But that turns into the least of her problems as she starts devolving into an insect/reptile creature.

Slime, webs, and caviar abound as she slowly goes full on monster and turns her apartment into a death nest. A pretty cool little flick, but I couldn't quite understand why she just didn't go see a doctor way early on!

Drive In Academy Award nominations for Elma Begavic as Casey who turns into a pus filled, twitchy, acid spewing, thhroat slashing, reptilian bride to be, Annette Wozniak as her slutty friend Jill who says "It's really not that bad. People always get sick after vacations.", Lawene Denkers as the mother in law for just being a horrible bitch, and Jordan Gray as the fiance who has no problem dicking his fiance's friend without any protection just after pissing blood (I mean, why should that stop your fun?)!

This one starts slow. In fact it was pretty damn boring, but the second half was pretty damn cool. A good showing considering the budget. I'll go 6.5 overall.

I think I'm down with this one, sounds like fun. Kinda like the old Wasp Woman - The Fly type horror movies where you know what's gonna happen, so kick back and enjoy the ride.

 

[Chef99]

Speaking of starting slow, my watching of Alien: Covenant got put on hold after about an hour or so.

I will get back to it, but Ridley's propensity for building characterization has gone to a new level here, I think. Dude, just pick it up a notch or so, willya?

 

[jakedog56]

Came across this one down a youtube rabbit-hole... Couldn't make up my mind about it. Thanks for the review! I'll be adding this to my list of things to watch!

Like I said: First half = rather boring. About a 4.5.
But stick with it. Once it picks up, it is good. Second half probably close to an 8.

Makes for a bit of a trial to watch since you want to turn it off in the first 10 minutes when they are doing the camera phone footage thing, but that is only temporary.

 

[jakedog56]

Speaking of starting slow, my watching of Alien: Covenant got put on hold after about an hour or so.

I will get back to it, but Ridley's propensity for building characterization has gone to a new level here, I think. Dude, just pick it up a notch or so, willya?

Well, Prometheus is almost entirely back story so this should probably come as no surprise.

Once they get down on the planet things pick up though.

Best Xenomorphs yet! They make the movie imo.

I think that the negative reception was kind of unwarranted. There are a few things that justify it though (character stupidity being the main component for me), but overall I really enjoyed it.

 

[jakedog56]

I can't STAND Keanu Reeves (having some Excellent Adventures and being the Devil's Advocate are the exceptions; loved those movies). I've heard great things about John Wick, but can't bring myself to watch simply because it is Keanu. I'm also an Eli Roth fan, and this is disappointing to hear.

However...I may have to force myself to watch this one. Just because.

Understandable. I feel the same about that grinning jackass Tom Cruise.

Personally, I don't mind Keanu as much but his lack of range certainly puts him in the catagory of "the movie was good in spite of him" mindset. I actually make a game of imagining him as Ted Theodore Logan in all of his roles. It makes it all much more interesting.

If you like action, John Wick 1 and 2 are recommended. I am not a huge action guy but I enjoyed both. The role is tailor made for Keanu's wooden acting.

 

[jakedog56]

I know I know. .. not a horror flick, but it's got the blonde from Knock Knock

Really looking forward it, but the blond from Knock Knock was a pretty bad actress, so that scares me a bit.

Hopefully better direction covers up her deficiencies.

 

[jakedog56]

Watched The Pack, which is a little Aussie flick about a family living in the middle of nowhere who gets held under siege in their house by a pack of vicious wild dogs.

The good is that the acting is relatively solid, withthe father being the stand out. Lots of gore, and good usage of editing to try to obscure the low budget. The story is fairly taut, and the dogs appear genuinely vicous and scary.

The downside is that I could not connect with the characters, and the story, well not badly done, was very simplistic. It left me feeling a bit hollow.

I want to give it a higher rating but a 5 out of 10 is all I can justify. A decent effort but just a bit flat.

 

[jakedog56]

Anyone see The Neon Demon yet? Looks like a pretty interesting psychological horror film. Got a good 7/10 rating on IMDB. In just 3 weeks since it's release it has been rated almost 7000 times. That might be because it was released internationally prior to its release in the states. But still, almost 7k votes and it maintains a 7/10. That's impressive.

Just watched this and I can safely say "What in the hell was that?!?"

A pretentious art film wannabe, with some truely strange shit going on.

It is basically a bunch hot model chicks looking bored and acting narcissistic for 100 minutes. It is full of symbolism supposably teaching us something about society's unhealthy obsession with physical beauty.

The movie only hints at being a horror movie in the first 75 minutes, with only one scene that even moves in that direction. After that, things pick up a bit.

The characters are generally dislikable, but that is basically the point. The soundtrack is moody electronics that verged on making me nauseous. The story is close to incomprehensible.

But it wasn't all bad. The production is high quality. The eventual link to Elizabeth Bathory makes things a bit more interesting. We did get eyeball puking, lesbian corpse r*pe, and knife deepthroating.

Overall, a disappointment from my point of view. It has dropped to a 6.2 on imdb, but I think that is being generous. I can't go more than a 4.5.