Comedy CowPies in the 'Lumbus

[jstewismybastardson]

Love u torts

 

[dash]

Love u torts

What a maroon Torts is.

 

[Bloody Brian Burke]

2-1 at the break with Dubinsky cashing in on the PP. One period down, no players crying yet.

Ice level mics are picking up some of Torts on the bench on the Jackets broadcast.

Not sure if he's behaving because he knows that or if he's still just stunned someone hired him, but it's all been positive. When he sees something good like a forward covering pinching D or a good battle for the puck he's yelling out "That's it, that's what we want to see" for the bench.

Line combos are interesting:
Saad - Johansen - Foligno
Calvert - Dubinsky - Jenner
Hartnell - Wennberg - Atkinson
Campbell - Karlsson - Clarkson

Other than Calvert not being ready for the ice time he's getting, that's pretty good.

There's $17 million worth of players in that bottom six.

Maybe the problem isn't who's coaching the team?

 

[jstewismybastardson]

point



counterpoint

Torts after being hired by canucks from Botchford
Leading up to training camp, there were no coaches meetings. There were no planning, preparation sessions with management. Nothing. He showed up to training camp and essentially said “let’s go, boys” on the fly.

 

[DevilishWon]

So, one thing I keep hearing is that he's a winner, a "proven" winner. I looked up his career record and as a coach overall his win pct is .483 (playoffs) and .538 (regular season).

A few coaches with a better record in the playoffs:
Mike Milbury
Ron Wilson
Paul Holmgren
Rick Bowness
Barry Melrose
Terry Crisp
Randy Carlyle
Don Cherry
Craig MacTavish

Bolded are better regular season too. Torts has two years to win 200 and equal Jacques Martin.

Sortable list:
NHL Coach Register | Hockey-Reference.com

I have to share this here because I am growing tired of being told to "learn about hockey" in other sites. The feebs over there might literally shit themselves if I posted this.



Ha! That's a trick. They are all the same person!

But, as I always do, I am praying to The Ryan. A-Miller.

In fairness Don Cherry's post-season record would have been better if he could count....

 

[DevilishWon]

It's the punches to the nuts, kicks to the face, public hangings, castrations and belittlements that is too much.
.

The BJ's got Sidney Crosby....AWESOME!!!

 

[forty_three]

There's $17 million worth of players in that bottom six.

Maybe the problem isn't who's coaching the team?

c'mon, I was trying to be positive.



Don't worry. That's over.

Love u torts

Johansen seemed like he won every faceoff he took. He made great passes, finished checks and even covered the D when they pinched. He made plays in the neutral zone and just missed at least two goals.

So the only reason that the miserable fucking Boston piece of shit benched him is because Johansen is better than he was. That's it. Torts hated Vinny the Cavalier because he was better than he ever was. He hated Gaborik and Nash because they were better. He hated the Sedins because they were better. And now Joey is the target. And it doesn't have shit to do with anything but jealousy.

Big, talented centers don't grow on trees. And if you have one that is also an all star, regarded as a potential superstar and, oh yeah, WAS THE ENTIRE TEAM LAST YEAR, you don't just single him out for no God damned reason.

Now, I have to sit by and watch Johansen get traded for a big shot blocking defenseman and a grinder (Where's Hal Gill nowadays?). First time in club history we've had a legit #1 center and top flight winger to play with him and we hire the only coach on earth who doesn't fucking know what to do with that.





This needs to be changed to Jarmo Kekleinen death watch. Bald Finnish fucker did this. Anything short of a cup, and he needs to go.

 

[forty_three]

The BJ's got Sidney Crosby....AWESOME!!!

If we did, Torts would bench him and move him to the third line because he failed to knock down Ryan Suter.

 

[Puck082]

I can't believe the Torts drama took so long to happen. 1 game. This guy is a walking circus.

<grabs popcorn><patiently waits for more>

 

[Bloody Brian Burke]

Here's the thing with Torts - give him a good lineup, he'll usually get the team into the playoffs and everything's a toss-up once you're in.

This falls far more on management to me. They've overpaid a lot of guys - Dubinsky, Foligno and Bobrovsky are all making way more than they ever should've been. They overpaid Horton too, FWIW, then compounded that by trading the cap savings they got by his injury for the worst signing of them all (of course that one was probably more on the owner, not that he'll care much when firing everyone).

I dunno. Maybe this is why you don't hire a GM who's last job was with Jokerit.

 

[forty_three]

point

View attachment 43647

counterpoint

Torts after being hired by canucks from Botchford
Leading up to training camp, there were no coaches meetings. There were no planning, preparation sessions with management. Nothing. He showed up to training camp and essentially said “let’s go, boys” on the fly.

Did JD ask any of those players if they'd want him coaching them now?

He said in four different interviews that I've seen that he doesn't know the players' names and hasn't tried to learn anything about them yet.

I know that one thing I love above all is when my boss comes in, calls me a different name and then acts shocked when I tell him I have three kids. Gives me warm and fuzzy feelings like crazy to be cared about so much.

Oh, and when he says I am replaceable because there are so many other people out there looking for work. Warms the cockles of my heart it does.



And why do you need meetings with coaching staff when your plan is
Block Shots
Bench your best player at random
Yell at the media

Look at all the time he saves.

 

[pixburgher66]

I'm in Erie for work, my hotel didn't get the Pens game but did get the Columbus one (I would've expected Buffalo before Columbus...but Ohio I guess?). So, I watched. Picked it up in the second right as they gave up the third goal. Listening to their broadcast team was...interesting. They spoke ad nausem about guys who said Torts was the best coach, and how brutal honesty was what they needed, and how players appreciate that. Look, if they want to be positive and hopeful, go for it. This is their living, I don't blame them. But I just don't understand how guys continue to think Torts is the right choice, or that he's magically going to change. It's sincerely like an abusive spouse. "Baby, I've changed! I won't scream anymore, I love you! I just want you to be happy!" Two weeks later someone has a black eye. "Guys will appreciate this. They need the honest truth." Yes, that's exactly why he's quickly worn his welcome EVERYWHERE HE'S BEEN. Win a Cup and you're set for life apparently, even though that Cup was in a complately different era of hockey that's long gone. Yes, I consider 2004 a bygone era of hockey.

 

[dash]

I'm in Erie for work.

I hope you hooked up with Eddie at the Olive Garden, pix.

 

[pixburgher66]

Did JD ask any of those players if they'd want him coaching them now?

He said in four different interviews that I've seen that he doesn't know the players' names and hasn't tried to learn anything about them yet.

I know that one thing I love above all is when my boss comes in, calls me a different name and then acts shocked when I tell him I have three kids. Gives me warm and fuzzy feelings like crazy to be cared about so much.

Oh, and when he says I am replaceable because there are so many other people out there looking for work. Warms the cockles of my heart it does.



And why do you need meetings with coaching staff when your plan is
Block Shots
Bench your best player at random
Yell at the media

Look at all the time he saves.

Wait, Torts doesn't even know his team's names? Holy shit man. Look, tough love is a thing that exists in sports and sadly still has a big following. Yes, sometimes a harsh attitude and some f-bombs get a player going. SOMETIMES. This is also their career, not effing peewee. This is their job, their workplace, and you are a coworker with whom you have a similar goal. Yes, the coach is essentially a supervisor, but you'd think respect would come in there at some point. I think it's a coach's job to figure out what makes a particular guy tick, not whitewash their approach and call those offended by it "soft". It's bullcrap, and frankly it exists all over sports. Just lazy coaching.

 

[jstewismybastardson]

Wait, Torts doesn't even know his team's names? Holy shit man. Look, tough love is a thing that exists in sports and sadly still has a big following. Yes, sometimes a harsh attitude and some f-bombs get a player going. SOMETIMES. This is also their career, not effing peewee. This is their job, their workplace, and you are a coworker with whom you have a similar goal. Yes, the coach is essentially a supervisor, but you'd think respect would come in there at some point. I think it's a coach's job to figure out what makes a particular guy tick, not whitewash their approach and call those offended by it "soft". It's bullcrap, and frankly it exists all over sports. Just lazy coaching.

got news for you ... he probably wont even talk to some of them until after christmas

 

[pixburgher66]

I hope you hooked up with Eddie at the Olive Garden, pix.

Olive Garden?! What am I, made of money?!

Let me tell you, I'm here for tennis (20 hours of tennis over this weekend...) and this "athletic club" we're in is straight out of the 80s. I'm waiting for someone to "Get Physical" soon.

 

[forty_three]

I'm in Erie for work, my hotel didn't get the Pens game but did get the Columbus one (I would've expected Buffalo before Columbus...but Ohio I guess?). So, I watched. Picked it up in the second right as they gave up the third goal. Listening to their broadcast team was...interesting. They spoke ad nausem about guys who said Torts was the best coach, and how brutal honesty was what they needed, and how players appreciate that. Look, if they want to be positive and hopeful, go for it. This is their living, I don't blame them. But I just don't understand how guys continue to think Torts is the right choice, or that he's magically going to change. It's sincerely like an abusive spouse. "Baby, I've changed! I won't scream anymore, I love you! I just want you to be happy!" Two weeks later someone has a black eye. "Guys will appreciate this. They need the honest truth." Yes, that's exactly why he's quickly worn his welcome EVERYWHERE HE'S BEEN. Win a Cup and you're set for life apparently, even though that Cup was in a complately different era of hockey that's long gone. Yes, I consider 2004 a bygone era of hockey.

Look in the Todd Richards thread, JD started the "everyone says Torts is the best coach they've played for" narrative and Rimer and Shelley were just being good soldiers. Portzline started the "Johansen Better watch his backside" in the team chat yesterday, and of course he got benched even though he played well. Control the message.

Pre-game, they talked about how Jody played for him and Jody kept saying he was good to play for and he cared. Then Jody interviewed him before the game, and I am not convinced Tortorella had any clue who Jody was.


The team needed a slap in the face, which they got when a coach they liked got fired. Now, they went and got a shotgun blast to the chest as well.

 

[jstewismybastardson]

It would seem to me from all Ive read and heard that the last 2 times Torts has been hired ... it wasnt the gm that pulled the triger on the hire ... owner in vancouver and president in Cbus

Jarmo is either a yes man or he knows his days are numbered

 

[pixburgher66]

It would seem to me from all Ive read and heard that the last 2 times Torts has been hired ... it wasnt the gm that pulled the triger on the hire ... owner in vancouver and president in Cbus

Jarmo is either a yes man or he knows his days are numbered

Hmmm...someone other than a GM making important hockey related decisions. This seems remotely familiar to me. What is it...it's like something I've buried deep down.

 

[pixburgher66]

Look in the Todd Richards thread, JD started the "everyone says Torts is the best coach they've played for" narrative and Rimer and Shelley were just being good soldiers. Portzline started the "Johansen Better watch his backside" in the team chat yesterday, and of course he got benched even though he played well. Control the message.

Pre-game, they talked about how Jody played for him and Jody kept saying he was good to play for and he cared. Then Jody interviewed him before the game, and I am not convinced Tortorella had any clue who Jody was.


The team needed a slap in the face, which they got when a coach they liked got fired. Now, they went and got a shotgun blast to the chest as well.

Definitely agree. they very much sounded like they were pandering. It had a sense of desperation to it. "Just need a wake up call. Torts can do that. People have said Torts can do that. There's some guys that say Torts is the best! Even Dubinsky said it was fine!"