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Omar 382
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If you've all been wondering where I've been the past few weeks, I will disclose information that is only known by Russian dudes and the CIA. Remember, this is highly classified information, so I'm only sharing it here on the internet, and nowhere else.
The truth is, I've been hiding out in my safe space in Rehobeth, watching videos of cats nurturing their young and using coloring books.
Why, one might ask, am I doing such a thing? One, I received a job giving tours to potential UD students. Naturally, they drug test, so I've had to resort to huffing glue (not included on the test) so as to keep my job. My friends and family say that I've been paranoid, frightened, and unintelligible, but they have not gone the way I have gone in this society we call "Earth."
A couple of days ago, I was huffing a bottle of RAID when I saw comments that my once hero and idol, Michael Jack Schmidt said.
He insinuated that Odubel Herrera, and other Latin-speaking players, could not lead a team due to their "language barrier."
This is understandably upsetting, and ultimately what has me holed up in my safe-space. The guy who mows my lawn, Jesus (not to be confused with Jesus Christ) is an upstanding member of my community. His uncle owns the local Taco Truck, and me and my friends frequent the place where we receive 10% off all burrito purchases.
If Mike Schmidt thinks that Jesus, because he no hablo "mucho" Ingles, cannot lead his lawn-care team to take care of my house, then I don't want to oblige the Phillies with my money any longer.
I have sold all my belongings and moved down to my safe space at the beach, with a huge sign that says "SAFE SPACE- MIKE SCHMIDT NOT ALLOWED, HOMBRES WELCOME."
I have been so traumatized by the incident and blatant showcasing of racism, that I even quit my job. What's next, Islam's aren't capable of working on a subway in New York? Next, Islam's won't even be allowed to work at the mediocre sub-chain Subway.
If any of you wish to join me in my safe space, you're more than welcome, but I do ask that you respect me and don't use the following trigger words: "Jesus, Mexican, churro, Taco Bell, Mike, Schmidt, Schmitty, shitty, or shit."
Thank you.
The truth is, I've been hiding out in my safe space in Rehobeth, watching videos of cats nurturing their young and using coloring books.
Why, one might ask, am I doing such a thing? One, I received a job giving tours to potential UD students. Naturally, they drug test, so I've had to resort to huffing glue (not included on the test) so as to keep my job. My friends and family say that I've been paranoid, frightened, and unintelligible, but they have not gone the way I have gone in this society we call "Earth."
A couple of days ago, I was huffing a bottle of RAID when I saw comments that my once hero and idol, Michael Jack Schmidt said.
He insinuated that Odubel Herrera, and other Latin-speaking players, could not lead a team due to their "language barrier."
This is understandably upsetting, and ultimately what has me holed up in my safe-space. The guy who mows my lawn, Jesus (not to be confused with Jesus Christ) is an upstanding member of my community. His uncle owns the local Taco Truck, and me and my friends frequent the place where we receive 10% off all burrito purchases.
If Mike Schmidt thinks that Jesus, because he no hablo "mucho" Ingles, cannot lead his lawn-care team to take care of my house, then I don't want to oblige the Phillies with my money any longer.
I have sold all my belongings and moved down to my safe space at the beach, with a huge sign that says "SAFE SPACE- MIKE SCHMIDT NOT ALLOWED, HOMBRES WELCOME."
I have been so traumatized by the incident and blatant showcasing of racism, that I even quit my job. What's next, Islam's aren't capable of working on a subway in New York? Next, Islam's won't even be allowed to work at the mediocre sub-chain Subway.
If any of you wish to join me in my safe space, you're more than welcome, but I do ask that you respect me and don't use the following trigger words: "Jesus, Mexican, churro, Taco Bell, Mike, Schmidt, Schmitty, shitty, or shit."
Thank you.
