A Little Golf Humor

[Bone]

THE GOLF BALL AND THE SAND WEDGE

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'
Man - 'That's nice.'
Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
Man - 'No, thanks.'
Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
Man - 'OK, how much?'
Boy - '$250'
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together..
Boy - 'Dark in here.'
Man - 'Yes, it is.'
Boy - 'I have sand wedge.
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?'
Boy - '$750'
Man - 'Sold.'
A few days later, the boys father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice. The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.'
The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?'
Boy - '$1,000.'
The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The priest says, 'Don't start that shit with me again. You're in my closet now.'

 

[nolehusker]

LMAO!!! Haven't heard that one before

 

[HawkeyeHater]

LMAO.......

 

[popeyecv64]

that was rich --thanks sir fer the humour

 

[HawkeyeHater]

I e-mailed this to my boss after I read it.....

 

[popeyecv64]

I e-mailed this to my boss after I read it.....

and I thanked you

 

[NUance]

A guy and his wife were playing a round golf one Sunday at their club. The guy sliced his drive to the right on a dogleg right, leaving his ball sitting directly behind a storage barn. A fellow from their foursome said, "Say, this barn has doors on both ends. If you open the front door and the back door, you should have a clear shot to the green." So they opened the doors and the guy drills one into the open barn door. The ball hit a rafter of the barn, ricocheted through an open window, and hit his wife on the head, killing her instantly.
Ten years later the guy is playing the same hole. Once again he slices his drive, ending up in the same spot near the door of the storage barn. One of his playing partners says "If you open the doors of this barn, I think you'll have a clear shot to the green."
The man looks at him and says, "Naw. I tried that once before, and it didn't work out well at all. I ended up with a triple bogey."

 

[Bone]

A nun walks into Mother Superior’s office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration.

‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked the Mother Superior . ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’

‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’

‘I seem to recall that,’ the Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’

‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’

‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’

‘Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, Mother Superior – 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dog leg left and a hidden green….and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted…and it hits a bird in mid-flight !’

‘Oh my!’ commiserated the Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!’

‘No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’

‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized the Mother.

‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’

‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said the Mother with a knowing smile.

‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the hole!’

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said…

‘You missed the fuckin’ putt, didn’t you?’

 

[Bone]

The Irish Golf Caddy

A Golfer has been slicing off the tee on every hole.
He asks his Irish caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor
tee shots, to which the caddy replies:

"Aye, there's a piece of shyt on the end of your driver. "
The Golfer picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the
caddy says:

"No, the other end."

 

[anythingispossible]

 

[Bone]

When you completely suck at golf, you make fun of it.
Even the best athletes struggle with the game.

 

[KennyBanyeah]

The worst historical foursome to play golf behind is: O.J. Simpson, Mariah Carey, Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton.

O.J. because he's a slicer...

Mariah because she's a hooker...

Kennedy 'cause he's no good over water, and



Clinton because he just doesn't know which hole he wants to put it in.